How Zodiac Signs Begin a Prayer!

ARIES: Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!

TAURUS: Well, I prefer natural light if at all possible. Are you absolutely positive that lightbulb is burned out? I hate to throw it away if it still might be useful.

GEMINI: Yo God...(or is it Goddess?)...Who are you?...What are you?.....Where are You?.....How many of you ARE there? I can't figure you out!

CANCER: Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn't depend on you so much, but you're the only One I can count on while my security blanket is at the cleaners.

LEO: Hi, Pop! I'll bet you're really proud to have me as your kid!

VIRGO:Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't screw it up like you did the last time.

LIBRA:Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?

SCORPIO: Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don't deserve it.

SAGITTARIUS:OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL-LOVING, ALL-POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I'VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I'VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES - HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!

CAPRICORN: Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway.

AQUARIUS: Hi God! Some say you're a man. Some say you're a woman. I say we're ALL God. So, why pray? Let's have a party!

PISCES: Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory.

Quotes

The antidote for fifty enemies is one friend.

Seeing the family is a very important part of my weekend.

Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.

Breaking News:

The temperature at more than 44 degree Celsius in North India beats the number of Congress MPs in Lok Sabha!

You are ABCDEF...

After 15 years of marriage the wife asked her husband to describe her.

The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said, "ABCDEFGHIJK."

"What does that mean?" She asked.

"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot!!!" he replied.

Wife Smiling asked, "So sweet of you honey. What about IJK?"

He replied, "I'm Just Kidding!

Quotes

Hurricanes couldn't remove you from my mind. You're my world and I'm incapable of not loving you.

I supposed if you were going to make a career of breaking laws, you might as well know them.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Untold Rules for Men!

The untold rules for Men:
1. The female always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

Quotes

Anyone who does not believe in miracles is not a realist.

I'd rather live my life knowing that I'm not perfect than spend my whole life pretending to be.

If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don't have to be pushed. The vision pulls you.

Trivia

Pope Benedict IX, born Theophylactus of Tusculum in Rome, was Pope on three occasions between October 1032 and July 1048.

The story of Hope

Worth a read! Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant’s beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant’s debt if he could marry the daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. 
 
The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag.If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender’s wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail. 
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant’s garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag. 
 
What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities: 
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble. 
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat. 
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment. 
 
The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. 
The girl put her hand into the money-bag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles. 
 
“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.” Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an advantageous one. 
 
MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way. 
If you liked this story… 
please share with friends, family and children… 
You might spark a thought, inspire and possibly change a life forever! 
Thinking "Out of Box"...

Quotes

Unless I'm at a wedding, I don't like veiled threats.

It is said that only a fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise man from the mistakes of others.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Quotes

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

I'm Proud of My Father

On his first day in office, as President Abraham Lincoln entered to give his inaugural address, one man stood up. He was a rich aristocrat. He said, "Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family." And the whole Senate laughed; they thought they had made a fool of Lincoln. But certain people are made of a totally different mettle. Lincoln looked at the man directly in the eye and said, "Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes for your family, and there will be many others here, because he made shoes the way nobody else can. He was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes; he poured his whole soul into them. "I want to ask you, have you any complaint? Because I know how to make shoes myself. If you have any complaint I can make you another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, nobody has ever complained about my father's shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father." The whole Senate was struck dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He was proud because his father did his job so well that not even a single complaint had ever been heard.

A Man of Few Words!

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman knocked on his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home.

"Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?"

The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.

After feeling really worried, she called out for him an asked, "May I ask where your wife is?"

"She went to the cemetery," he replied.

"And when is she coming back?"

"I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now!"

Quotes

Second marriage: the triumph of hope over experience.

If togetherness is bliss, kissing is ecstasy.

Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.

Trivia

There are an estimated 100 billion galaxies in the universe.

O Womaniya...

A girl was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera. She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that she was not speeding. Just to be sure, she went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now she began to think that this was quite funny, so she drove even slower as she passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while she rolled past at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, she got five challans for driving without a seat belt...!!! O Womaniya... Aa ha Womaniya!!!

A Perfect Partner..

Finding a perfect partner is not like ordering a pizza with the best toppings and extra cheese. Perfect relationships are not made up of perfect people. 
They are made up of compromises, adjustments, unconditional love and understanding. 
You will have to go through your share of fights, out of the blue arguments, weird situations and bouts of silly annoying mood swings. 
You have to be ready to make compromises and adjustments. 
You have to willing to embrace each other’s imperfections to make your relationship perfect. 
You don’t have to be perfect to make a relationship rocking….…
You need to be compatible…
You need to be emotionally strong…
You need to be willing.. 
You need to be in love…

Quotes

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

I feel most beautiful when I am content. Happiness is the most important thing.

The height of your accomplishments is determined by the depth of your convictions.

Trivia

"Hangover Heaven" is a company in Las Vegas that will come to you and cure your hangover with fluids and vitamins.

Clean SMS

Santa to Banta: I and my wife are really very compatible. Banta: You may call me rude but frankly, I don't find any similarity! Santa: You see, my wife hates the sight of me when I'm drunk, and I hate the sight of her when I'm sober!

When someone touches you and you don't feel anything, it's indifference; When someone touches you and you feel it, it's love; When no one touches you but you still feel it, it's... . . . . . . Itching! It's summer time, please take bath at least once daily!

PE Teacher!

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

"Are you ok?" she asks.

"Yes," he replies. "You can go and play with the other kids, you know," she says.

"It's best I stay here," he says.

"Why's that, sweetie?" asks the blonde.

The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "Because I'm the GOAL KEEPER !"

Color Perception

Check out the difference between how Men & Women see colors...

A very true but strange quote….!

“Love doesn’t start in morning & doesn’t end in evening. 
It starts when u dont need it & ends when u need it most”.